By STEVE CARTWRIGHT

Staff Writer

If you think domestic assault happens to other people, people different from you, think again.

Across central Maine, people are deliberately hurt by family members, in their homes, and the crime cuts through all levels of social and economic status, all ages and backgrounds, male or female, regardless of sexual orientation.

In other words, it could be anyone: Your co-worker, your next-door neighbor, a relative.

That fact was grimly reinforced earlier this month when Rhonda Wakefield-Reynolds, 37, was fatally shot in the head at her brother's Fairfield home on Jan. 13. Richard Reynolds, 40, her husband of seven years, faces a murder charge in connection with the shooting.

Domestic violence is widespread and pernicious. But there are a number of warning signs to watch for, mental health professionals say, and no-cost help is available for the asking.

Among those spreading the message about what you can do is Kate Faragher-Houghton, one of three community educators with the Family Violence Project, a nonprofit agency covering Kennebec and Somerset counties. Often thought of as just a shelter for battered women, the agency is much more than that, Faragher-Houghton said.

Besides 30 emergency beds for victims of domestic violence, the agency provides programs for young people, reaching kindergartners through high schoolers. It also offers workshops for people in law enforcement, social work, medical and other professions, both public and private. She also talks to church groups.

"We seek to support and empower victims and we also seek to support and empower communities to understand what domestic violence is, and how to recognize it," she said.

"I'm comfortable to say I'm a survivor of abuse," said Faragher-Houghton, who left what she called an abusive relationship with help from friends. She said she is now happily married and takes her 6-month-old son Noah to work with her. She is a 1991 Bates College graduate and a 1997 graduate of the University of Maine School of Law. She sometimes tells her own story to illustrate that domestic abuse can happen to anyone.

Behavior to watch out for, Faragher-Houghton said, includes:

n "Mind games," trying to make you feel guilty.

n Threatens to leave you, destroy property or commit suicide if you do not do what he or she wants.

n Blames his behavior on you, or a boss or parent.

n Refuses to accept responsibility for his or her own actions.

When it comes to children, adults should be aware of extreme behavior or "acting out." Indications of possible child abuse include social isolation, refusing to go to school, and out-of-control behavior. The effects of domestic abuse on young people are emotional and cognitive. A child can feel guilty about the abuse even as a victim, and can become fearful, angry and depressed.

Faragher-Houghton said it's important to listen to a child's complaints of headache, stomach aches and any illness, and to realize there may be more to it. Anxiety and short attention span, frequently misdiagnosed as attention-deficit disorder, can be the result of abuse, she said.

If a child is often tired and lethargic, shows poor personal hygiene, or regresses to behavior of a younger child, these could be symptoms of domestic violence. Taking too many risks and hurting oneself also can be red flags.

An abused child may model on the abuser, believing it is OK to hit people, hurt people and to get your way by getting angry. Low self-esteem is common among victims, along with an inability to trust anyone.

Faragher-Houghton said the Family Violence Project has added a staff attorney, Maureen Davis, who offers legal advice to clients. She said her agency is funded by the Maine Department of Health and Human Services, United Way and various appeals, but its resources are strained.

"We're a fairly small group of individuals working in the movement," she said.

Steve Cartwright -- 623-3811, Ext. 435

scartwright@centralmaine.com